Why am I still playing video games?

Years ago, while I was still a kid, I theorized that when I was an adult that all I'd want to do is play video games. Somehow that prediction ended up being right, maybe the only guess my childhood self had that came true when I grew up. I've alluded to it, hell, I've outright mentioned it in other articles that I'd always thought that way.

Even now I still just really want to play games. I've turned myself inside out lately, drinking too much coffee and sleeping far too little. As an adult, I figured out that I do want to do a bit more with my life than play them damned video games all the time. I want to eat good food, preferably that which I cook myself. I want to listen to the music I want to listen to, at the decibel level I want to hear it, without ever having anyone complain about it. To accomplish that, I'd need to buy a house. That's out of the question for the time being (the time being amounting to roughly...the next ten years of my life, I guess).

To buy a house, one needs money, and to get that; I need a real job. Most days, I sit around on my lazy ass, in my underwear, hoping to walk outside and have a big bag of money fall on me. I'll take the concussion as long as it makes me rich. That's a really lazy way of thinking. If life is that easy, I'd be considering turning in my card. That kind of shit is the cheat code of the real world. Right now, I work a crappy part time job and seem to be losing hours every week as we continue to do worse business. I think it's reached the point where our owner reaches parity or makes a very slight profit every week. I guess my job isn't what anyone reading this blog wants to hear about, especially given this entry's title, but I haven't written anything in April so this update comes attached to the hip of my personal happenings. (i started this article before my small update making fun of Zelda: Spirit Track's obvious...*ahem*...successes in the Japanese market)

As I write this sentence, I am sitting in my parent's house, in the midst of a break from my "life". The life that basically contains work and video games. Less of the former, more of the latter as of late. I'm watching television for the first time in months (coincidentally, the last time I was here at my parent's house), swapping furiously through channels to avoid the anguish that is an episode of Friends. In my existence, my nineteen and three quarter years (birthday in July, folks so start contemplating gifts, I am open to anything that compliments my natural awesomeness) I've watched about one half an episode of Friends. A day later, here I am, back at my apartment; amidst what I call "mine". I have watched a half episode of Friends in my lifetime, let's hope to keep it that way.

Never once did I ever consider that I'd grow out of playing video games. It was always something I'd do, and I'd always be happy doing it. Is that true, even now? It's getting progressively harder to tell, but I don't think I've lost that ideal yet.

I guess I have to work tomorrow night, and that's kind of unsettling right now. I just took a nice vacation from that shit. This isn't random complaining either! This is me trying to make a point. I don't want to do anything for the rest of my life when it comes to work. I don't want to work until I die! I'd love to work a great job, but even then I'd have to give it up someday (mandatory retirement or otherwise).

Would I give up video games? This is a question I ask of the me of today, much like the I of yesterday. The only real difference is that I'm roughly a dozen times more tired today than I was yesterday. Days ago, would I have even been considering that question? Giving up video games, that's tougher than quiting smoking (i think). I hate to quit anything, to be truthful for a second. The good or the bad, I hate just throwing it to the wayside. Fuck am I ever tired, though. Giving up video games, maybe that's the way to a better future. Pondering the future can be kind of boring!

I really need to unpack from my trip home. I am so spastic all of a sudden, worse than ever before. I've got caffeine in me, more than I need. I feel my body being twisted upon like waves hitting me from all directions. My first order of business upon returning home tonight was to start playing a new video game (Resonance of Fate for the PS3. I'm trying to see if tri-Ace can make a GOOD game). Is that dedication or an addiction?

Let's try to make a focused point for once. Video games are at their simplest form a facet of the entertainment industry. We play them to be entertained by them. Thinking, most times, is optional. Out of the three primary media forms, video games probably require the least thought. Movies and music border on the desire to tell stories or enlighten the audience. Story or narrative in video games is, like thinking, purely optional. It exists, more often than not, although often times we could argue that it doesn't need to. Perhaps games are trying too hard to be something that they have no obligation of being. When done right, a video game is a truly unique entertainment medium. It is an experience that you are incapable of having outside of the medium. A lot of the instances in which I praise a particular game is directed towards its experience and how well it stands. Such games which I have "panned" such as NSMBWii are experiences which I can't help but feel are flawed; it's a fun video game but I can't say I had a fun time playing it. It felt off, it was too derivative of the previous games and had no idea what it wanted to be.

Strangely enough, the older I get causes a certain desire to swell within my mind; instead of playing video games, wouldn't it be interesting to design one? There's a bit of mature thinking attached to that, as a kid I didn't know I had these kind of ideas, or that I could apply my creative mind. As a young adult, I realize now that I can think for myself. What kind of game would I make, well it'd be something I personally would want to play. Something interesting enough without being totally pretentious. My favorite video game of all time, Mother 2/Earthbound challenged the dynamic that the game and the player are theoretically separate. I'd love to do something of the same, utilize the medium against itself, I guess. If this is going over your head, I apologize!

I guess to answer the question which this article asks; the reason I'm still playing games and have no intentions of stopping any time soon; I want to find my game. I know, realistically, that I'll never make a video game. There's always an off chance, I guess. I'm still pretty young. Thinking at ground level, though, I'm gonna say that I'll likely never get the chance to make my video game. So I'm just going to keep looking for it. That's why I'm still playing video games.